Transformation is a Bitch... sometimes
- Gogo uMkhanyakude
- Oct 21, 2016
- 4 min read
Deep Transformation is uncomfortable, yet PROFOUNDLY liberating! This is why many don't consciously choose it at first. However, in my case, I took a vow and got married to it at different sacred moments in my life. We've been together for almost 20 years now, minus some break-ups along the way. Maybe you can relate, if you’ve been on a committed journey of reinventing your womanhood or embodying yourself as a FIRST GENERATION Goddess. If you’re just starting, give thanks that you have a Sisterhood who have walked the burning sands of the “bitch” side of transformation to whisper to you to keep moving forward. You must take the walk in order to initiate the content that you’ve studied, the songs you sing or rituals you’ve learned.
I read something once that said, “You’re not crazy, you’re just waking up!” This truth are penetrating. In other words, “freedom moments” are often followed by experiences of feeling like you are “losing it”. This is important for the woman to know as she embarks on the journey of Goddess-hood. The Goddess movement is being denatured with a representation of the frilly, sweet, and tender feminine only. The truth is deep abiding Self-Love can show up as that bitch you don’t like or avoid, because the truth will piss you off before it sets you free. It’s important to know and embrace that on this feminine liberation journey, that “feedback” is necessary and it’s NEUTRAL. Our lives are always giving us feedback, including the people, circumstances and inheritance of how we woman-up in times of feeling like a woman-down on the inside.
There are times just like in a marriage, the reflection of who I "think" and what I think I am "doing" is fed back to me. I have a choice then, to ignore, fight, justify, defend OR receive, respond, and reflect. When Transformation speaks, it's delivery is not always intended to placate the Ego. It interrupts and it may even be tactless. It cuts through the bullshit. Often times, we refer to this energy as “a Bitch” that we don’t like. There is a difference between being bitchy and a Bitch.
The origin of the word “bitch” has a role that certainly has been perverted by men who fear matriarchal leadership. Just for context outside of connotation, Barbara Walker's "Women's Encyclopedia of Myths and Secrets" give us history:
“To understand the defilement of The Great Mother, we need only look to the language of our times. As children we were instructed not to say certain words, because they were "bad words". "Cunt, bitch and whore", are representative of those words. Yet when we investigate their etymology we find not words of debasement, but words of honor and names of the Great Mother.”
Barbara G. Walker, The Woman's Encyclopedia of Myths and Secrets
In other words, The Bitch Goddess was a Priestess. Walker says, “The Bitch Goddess of antiquity was known in all the Indo European cultures, beginning with the Great Bitch Sarama who led the Vedic dogs of death. Artemis-Diana, leader of the Scythian alani or "hunting dogs" was another such Bitch Goddess.” So, leadership is NOT new to world of the sacred feminine protocol of change and expression. The perversion of it is new, however.
Therefore, we are not talking “bitchy” with lives in the low vibration of blame, attack and pretense. The bullshit is what the Ego protects and covers up. So when I want to run from my own Transformation, I'm running from me. When I want to pretend like I didn't ask for it… like I didn’t pray the paint off the walls for Transformation to "create in me a clean heart...", I'm lying. If I ignore my patterns that I can clearly see, then I'm not listening. The Ego becomes my lover, except I'm cheating on me. When I distrust women and the leadership of women, I renounce my own trustworthiness as a change agent. The only job of the Ego as we grow forward in our womanhood is to separate us from organic, orgasmic and outstanding feminine brilliance, also known as “I Am-ness”!
What I’ve learned on this journey is. . . .. When I consciously choose Transformation, as a demonstration, a stretch and a request for support, it always responds in kind. It opens me, humbles me and inspires me to stay the course and FOLLOW MY BLISS. After all, law says everything (bliss) I am seeking is seeking me! Feedback is useful and is truly a gift, because it gives me the opportunity to access the light and dark sides of “the self”, without reacting, shutting down and thereby holding pathology in place.
Declare this: Here I am. I stand upon the precipice. I am on a Divine Pivot again. I am pregnant with myself. I am here for THIS! I become my own Soft and Safe place to land or fly. Stay The Course.
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