"Mommy's Not Okay": A Brief Essay on Motherhood and Mental Health

Stuck.

That's how I feel

Like a baby being born

but too big for the birth canal

Half in

Half out

Sunrise to sunset

Life is grand

The sun shines

The birds sing

The air is sweet

Love is real

Then

Like someone flipped a switch

Evening comes

And the facade is removed

The truth is revealed

I am an anomaly

A variable in an equation

Can't solve for "X"

The worst part of this

Is the isolation

The uncertainty

Not being able to trust

My

Own

Mind.

Held prisoner by an invisible jailor

Part-time mother

Full-time patient

Wanting to live my life in the open

But I gotta keep it in the closet

Where is the sun?

Can't hear the birds

Do they even sing at night?

Alone.

Stranded.

Hungry.

Stuck.

I think I bit off more than I can chew.

You deserve more than than my half-chewed truth

But right now

It's the only truth I got

Maybe if we chew it slow

We'll survive this drought.

Because the whole truth is

Right now

You're all I got

Your face keeps me topside

Your life gives me life

I look at you

The fruit of my womb

And I want to try again

to be unstuck.

#mentalhealth #blackwomen #motherhood #selfcare #wellness