Spiritual Sexuality - A Kemetic Perspective

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On my honor I will try

To adore my yoni

And my thighs

To not be thirsty around guys

And to express my sexuality with pride

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Before I was Hmt, I was Saundra, young college student with no roommate in her dorm, master sexual experimenter. My high school friends might remember the name Pimpette. College friends remember the Girl on Top. I think I've made my point here.

That was all a very long time ago. I haven't been that girl and aren't interested in being her again, except that she had something that I lost for a time: freedom. That girl had no fear about judgment, societal dictates, cultural mores. That girl did what she wanted, and who, when, where, and how.

That girl embraced an essential part of herself, but in truth there was a lot of pathology involved then. Not all choices were for my best good. Not all relationships fed me spiritually, emotionally, mentally. For all that I did in search of feeling good, I didn't always feel good.

So I became Kemetic, and began to impose expectations, limitations. But as I've come to learn, repression is just as unhealthy as overindulgence. In search of balance, we often push ourselves too far in one direction or another, and in no place do I see this more acutely than on the topic of sexuality. How we express ourselves sexually is overly simplified when we speak in terms of virgin or whore, mistress or wife, jezebel or Queen - and yet these are exactly the terms in which we've been taught to think about sexual expression, feminine expression, and female pleasure. Either you throw yourself into it entirely, lose yourself in it, risk yourself for it; or you restrict yourself entirely, lose yourself, risk nothing for it.

Recently I found myself confronted with the realization that I had not mastered the two extremes but had instead fallen prey to the misogynoir that surrounds Black woman sexuality. That I myself even held ideas that were damaging to myself and to the manifestation of the divine feminine principle as it occurs naturally. I spoke in favor of women's sexual freedom but did not extend that right to myself. I had to confront my shadow self - Saundra - and allow her to reunite with the whole that is me.

Fortunately, I didn’t have to figure this out alone. My decision to embrace traditional Afrikan culture gives me a foundation upon which to build a healthier self in accordance with spiritual law - Ma'at. The great ones of the past spoke on the subject of sexuality; it is referenced explicitly and indirectly in the 42 TepRa en Ma'at, better known as the Laws of Righteousness or the 42 Admonishments. This Ancestral wisdom provides clarity on what we must caution against, which allows us to deduce the behaviors and choices that encourage, promote, and maintain balanced sexual health.

Let's look at the laws in question, using the translation accepted by the Temple of Anu:

19. I have not committed adultery

This law is easy for us to accept. Most people understand that cheating, or participating in cheating, is wrong. That doesn’t mean people don’t do it though. We often think about men cheating but what about the women who cheat with them? Not all of those women are unaware that they are involved with a committed man. Notice that I used the word “committed” and not “married” because marriage is a specific type of commitment and the trickster thirsty female will decide that your commitment doesn’t count if [insert her messed up logic here]. But in truth, when we engage in relationship with one another and elect to be responsible for each other - spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically - then going outside of that is adulterous. This extends to men AND women who cheat AND the people who cheat with them. I’m also talking about emotional affairs and financial affairs where you are giving some part of yourself to a person outside of your committed union.

Adultery usually violates other laws, namely 7. I have not acted deceitfully and 9. I have not told lies. It is difficult to cheat without, at some point, deceiving your partner and telling lies. Now that you have broken your vow to be honest (one of the cardinal characteristics of Ma’at) you are in complete violation. Completely. No getting around it.

So committing adultery is not considered a healthy sexual expression. But what about sex with different partners, sex outside of marriage, threesomes, kinky sex, BDSM, whatever?

27. I have not lust, committed fornication, nor lay with others of my same sex

I’m going to start in the middle with this one and address fornication. In the Temple of Anu we define fornication as engaging in intercourse with people that you have no responsibility towards. That would be the people whose names you don’t know; the one night stands; the fuck buddies who are not your friends. On that last one, note that I’m not saying you can’t have friends with benefits. The question is, are you really friends or is your only connection for sexual benefit?

If you don’t know anything about the person you are giving your body to, then you’re fornicating. You should know some things that allow you to have a vested interest in this person’s emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual health. If you are not this person’s mate or partner, you should at least be a genuine and significant friend. Ask yourself: if this person has a death in the family, will I be there to help guide him or her through this difficult time? Will I attend the funeral? Will I send a card to express my condolences? If none of the above, you’re probably fornicating.

Avoiding fornication does not require monogamy. If you and your partner honestly and openly agree to having sexual entanglements outside of the union, then go forth and prosper. Make sure anyone else you get involved with is aware of your relationship status, or you’ll find yourself violating that all-important code of honesty.

Ultimately, it’s difficult to have significant sexual interactions with a lot of people when you have to be invested in each of their lives, and that goes for men and women alike. Even though they say it’s harder for women to accomplish, men are not all that great at juggling, let’s keep it real. With honesty as a must-have, not everyone will want to participate in polyamory, and you must give people the choice to participate or not. Plus, there will easily be people who you won’t get involved with because you realize you like how they look but you don’t actually like who they are. Having to get to know someone can be a serious sexual deterrent.

So that takes us into discussing lust. Lust is sexual attraction and desire that does not stem from a sincere, emotional, spiritual place. Lust is when you see a pic of a gorgeous chocolate piece online whose skin is perfectly glistening in the sun and your skin gets warm and you get that tingle in your yoni. What’s wrong with that is simply what we’ve discussed before. Are you thinking about getting to know this person and have a genuine relationship? No. You just want to hit it. So now we’re starting to see that the Ancients strove to have tantric interactions that were both sexual and spiritual in nature, and to not separate the two.

Keep in mind too that many women have been annoyed by the way that men catcall and sexually harass us in the street and on the internet. How many of you have deleted “friends” for sending unwanted dick pics? So in our effort to reclaim healthy sexual expression we cannot lend ourselves to the evils that we condemn. Let’s not adopt the practices of the thirsty.

Before I move on to the final part, I want to add that there is nothing here that says your sexual partner cannot spank you, choke you, pull your hair - consensually. Do you and enjoy it with a partner who knows you, has affection and attachment to you, who is interested in supporting your health on all levels. Your partner should be someone who you can relate to beyond shared sexual preferences.

Now, onto laying with others of the same sex. This is a controversial topic and one that would be easy to shy away from. But keep in mind that indigenous and ancient cultures were invested in the continuation of life. Maintaining Ma’at involves contributing to the future of the family, community, culture, and nation. One of the ways to do that is by having children, which isn’t possible in same sex unions without the intervention of technology or the involvement of an opposite sex donor. The Ancients saw same sex unions as incapable of maintaining Ma’at.

With technological advances that allow for same sex unions to reproduce, I still find myself wary about the idea of throwing this part away altogether. We who reclaim traditional Afrikan consciousness are encouraged to esteem the organic and natural above the genetically modified. Two women can know each other, love each other, and have a strong and empowering relationship. But that doesn’t mean they should sleep together. They certainly don’t have to, and not having sex shouldn’t diminish friendship. For me, same-sex sexual encounters are off the table.

**sidebar: It came into my spirit to add that committing to follow the standard of Ma’at as a way of life requires me to follow the standard of Ma’at. I am obligated, at all times, to be just, balanced, respectful, and harmonious in my words and actions towards gays and lesbians, just as I would towards anyone else. I do this because my divine charge is Ma’at, and I must live in Ma’at consistently and completely. We can disagree with one another without being disrespectful towards one another. The moment I become disrespectful is the moment I violate my own standards, dishonoring myself, my culture, and my Ancestors.**

20. I have not committed any sin against my own purity

On a basic level, this is referring to masturbation, but there’s more to it than that (thankfully, right?).

Let’s revisit something: the Ancients strove to have tantric interactions that were sexual and spiritual in nature, and not separate the two.

What’s the tantric purpose of masturbation? If we define tantric sex as the spiritual practice to raise consciousness, channel energy, and unite the masculine and feminine polarities, then we are talking about more than just getting some, busting nuts, releasing tension. We are talking about using sexual energy in purposeful and ritualistic ways. We’re understanding that sexual energy can be used to plant seeds for future success; to heal emotional and mental scars; to strengthen spiritual bonds with Creation and with others; and to build up one’s reserve of sekhem, or personal power.

So, what is a sin against one’s purity? It is engaging in self-love practices when one has not yet mastered the use of his or her personal sexual power. If you aren’t using your sexual force in a tantric fashion, then it is lustful and animalistic. You are leaking your life force. You are not planting seeds for your future; you are wasting the energy that you need for manifestation.

Think of it like this. You do not allow your two year old to touch the stove. At two, your child has not yet learned to use the stove properly. He or she will get hurt. Over time, you teach your child so that one day she or he may be ready to use the stove solo.

So it is with tantric self-love.

29. I have not worked grief or abused anyone

I realize we’ve talked about healthy sexuality as defined through the parameters of Ma’at and we haven’t once mentioned things like molestation, rape, sexual harassment, and child abuse. To be clear, these topics are not mentioned explicitly but that is no indication that they were considered acceptable behaviors. On the contrary, I believe all of these things are forbidden under #29.

To abuse is to use something improperly; to treat another with cruelty or violence; and to insult and offend. But these are dictionary words and we know abuse means much more to those who experience it.

Rape, molestation, and child abuse are physically violent, often used to demonstrate dominance over another; psychologically violent, altering the victim’s ability to engage in healthy relationships; and spiritually violent, due to the improper use of the life force to cause irreparable damage to self and others.

In addition to 29, these three acts directly violate:

1. I have not done iniquity;

3. I have not done violence to anyone or thing;

12. I have not attacked anyone;

21. I have not caused terror;

22. I have not done that which is abominable;

26. I have not caused any to weep; and

34. I have not done harm or evil.

None of these are sexual laws specifically, but all of them, in conjunction with the mandate not to abuse, make it very plain that engaging in “sexual” behaviors that are violent, non-consensual, immoral, harmful, emotionally and psychologically scarring, and detrimental to the parties involved is wrong.

As far as sexual harassment is concerned, not only can such unwarranted attention cause grief in its recipient (in violation of the original law referenced in this segment) but it can also be seen as a form of arrogance. Harassers believe that the recipient of their sexual advances are pretending not to be excited by such attention, which actually causes them to harass with heightened frequency.

39. I have not behaved with arrogance asks us to check ourselves and make sure we aren’t doing what makes us feel good without concerning ourselves over the effect it has on the recipient.

14. I have not eaten my heart

There might be some things I didn’t mention here and there are undoubtedly things that the Ancients wouldn’t have considered in their day that we have to think about in ours.

The best place to start is with the above law. Do not eat your heart - meaning, do not engage in actions that you are going to regret and wish to take back. What is done can never be undone, so strive to be true to yourself. Say no when you want to say no and yes when you want to say yes. If something doesn’t feel right, then it isn’t right - for you. Maybe it’s right for someone else. But not for you. And that’s okay.

The more we grow into knowing ourselves, the better able we are at judging immediately what we feel intuitively is for our highest and best good. We’ll know if we are restricting ourselves from something because of societal pressure or because of our own inclinations. We’ll know if we’re participating in something because of societal pressure or our own inclinations. We’ll be able to sort the difference and live an authentic sexual life, which will allow us to experience the spiritual sexuality that is intended for us.

#sexuality #Maat #spirituality #Kemet #relationships