Making Love to Our “Whole” Self
- Gogo uMkhanyakude
- Oct 1, 2016
- 3 min read
Photo credit: Saddi Khali Photo
When I first introduced this concept of Making Love To Our Whole Selves. I saw a common pattern of Single Ladies not knowing how to casually date so as to consider her options and MOVE the energy playfully. Of course, I saw it in myself first. I’d been a young, 19 year old bride and a serial monogamist. I took pride in knowing how to be the wife and not the girlfriend, until I journeyed with The Divine Feminine and Pleasure as healing. Mating my date seemed like the safest route to insure I didn’t get the short end of the stick. Yet, I began to see the same pattern with married women who forget to date, after vows are exchanged. It spills over from the joy or lack thereof, we experienced being “single”. Then, the responsibility of being made love to becomes the responsibility of another. Heavy. Serious.
Ladies, JUST DATE first. Dating is research! You are the laboratory. So many of us go for MARRIAGE and relationship before we have enough data. Data about our true preferences, deepest desires and areas of improvement. Beyond the FANTASY of The Altar to give you permission to be your most authentic self, practice now so that you can experience the freedom of your YES, with a beloved that can fully penetrate you. Size matters in matters of the heart. Some of us are looking to fill voids that will insure trial by fire rather than baptism by water. Your waters released from the nectar your wholeness creates, attracts, sustains and then shares with a beloved. DATE, RELATE & just RELAX!!!
Marriage is no insurance policy on anything. If you have not done The Inner Work, YOU WILL DO IT in a committed relationship. The same is true for PLAY. Allow yourself to "play well with others or alone" or "move the energy" toward your desires. Know your desires, preferences and even your handicap. It's a Feminine ART and yes you will Kiss a few frogs, before you get to that "match". Notice, I didn't say Prince. A man can not rescue YOU from you!! (I have a word for the Captain-Save-a-Woe, too.) Needing to be needed or defined through your relationship status is another program, often inherited. Yet, we don't consider our own love legacy.
Here’s a repositioning of the word "single". We often think of it as a deficit. Yet, to be single means whole. You know, like a Whole number in math? I love LOVE and I love marriage, but not the "institution". Think about that. Institutions often are built to control and manage a job description. Unconsciously, my “good girl” transferred to fulfilling the job description of the “good wife”. Being the reality creator that I am - I "achieved" my goal for marriage twice correcting one thing and totally missing another. Single as wholeness. We often make love to ourselves in the way that we make choices in relating and relationships. Do we rush to get to the end result? Are we always pleasing another? Do we know our own erogenous zones, mentally, emotionally or physically?
Making Love to Our “Whole” Self requires constant self-discovery, slowing and experimenting with our own senses. This is The “Freak Flag” of liberated self-love and high expectations to experience pleasure while doing it whether married or dating. Some ladies don't even offer a smile or a light-hearted FLIRT, yet you desire a husband? How do you show up, in the middle? In fact, you start interviewing the candidate to fill the role, without being full yourself? I know the books say to do that. *___* What I'm suggesting is to invest in cultivating your inner permission to be present in the experience(s), in stage that it is at that time. Play with Turn-On and be informed by Turn-Offs, not stuck in either. Start here. There are next steps. The entire world opens to you when you open to yourself to know you are worthy to BE SATURATED in your own juices, so when that vibrational match shows up there is an overflow. You have options, explore them!!
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